Cheated by death, again

Arjun did not die ( this time). He fought through and survived, but not for long. I think we had lulled ourselves  into a false sense of security again, he had recovered, he always recovers so what was all the fuss about? The reality is that this is not how anybody would be living their lives, living each and everyday watching out for signs of deterioration and death; waiting to see if he has changed in his colour or breathing pattern, always on high alert in the eventuality that I will be called away from work ( yes, I work), or a day out with the girls or, family function will be cut short so we can attend another emergency.

It is not fair; it is not normal.

Well, only 48hrs after the first episode Arjun was taken ill again, his body had started to shut down but this time he was at home. Continue reading

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Palliative Care

There are occasions in everyones lives where you are forced to take difficult decisions, knowing that either choice maybe wrong and will leave a scar; neither choice is suitable.
We have been forced to make heart breaking decisions about Arjun’s care from Do Not Resuscitate Orders to Limitation of Treatment Agreements, why ? Largely to prevent there being difficult decisions being made when we are at our most vulnerable, emotionally aggrieved and mentally exhausted.

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Siblings; a letter to my brother

A letter for my brother
The last 8 days have been terrifyingly heartbreaking. I have watched Arjun writhing in extreme pain and my girls crying with fear of not understanding what is happening to their brother. However,It was not until I was looking through the girls writing pads that I stumbled across this to truly understand what they had been feeling; a letter to their brother.

Dear Arjun


I love you more than anything else in the world. I like it when you are laughing and giggling because it makes me laugh and everybody else too. You’re my best brother and no-one can replace you ever. 
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